The Litmus Test
Posted by parhad on July 25, 2001 at 11:46:36:
In Reply to: Re: The Litmus Test posted by Jeff on July 25, 2001 at 09:51:40:
I had no reason in the world to mistrust anyone. I believed John Nimrod from the start and though I grew suspicious over the years, I still thought a man who had
attained what he had in life could not do the things he did. He screwed me over several times...tried to discourage Helen, told her they didn't need my aculpture, told
me it was too expensive, wasn't all that good etc. As long as it involved only me, was a personal thing, I didn't object...it was when he attacked his sister's wishes
then tried to screw the people that I got angry. I'm not used to someone being so petty and small...and he DID have all those exalted titles.
For five years I wrote to him, patiently, politely...I tried
to hint that his intransigence was making people in
always fobbed me off. When he wrote
the letter to
the city unveil the monument in an indoor setting, where we could showcase her entire collection, make a night of it honoring her and all her contributions and I said I
needed his cooperation because there wasn't much time and the city had pushed aside other people to give us first place for their next openning at the very excellent
gallery space they had...and STILL he wouldn't do it...said "what's the rush".
With Helen in the hospital, and me not knowing if she would survive...her deposit for all the sculpture she'd ordered, including portraits of herself, her sons AND
John...long gone, and John refusing to send more of HER MONEY so I could at least cast into the bronze the ones I'd finished, which were being ruined after
months in the hot summer...and he wouldn't even do that...I had to decide whether to proceed on my own or quit because I had no more money for the project...and
I decided I owed it to Helen and couldn't greet her when she came out, IF she came out...by being practical and saying..."sorry Helen, no money, no work"...and
deciding to do it on my own and continue the work, having just enough in reserve to cast one piece myself, and continuing on the others...then to have her die without
having ever seen it all...THEN to have John say she'd never authorized anything...it had all been my doing just to get money out of Helen etc etc...THEN I got his
balls in the wringer when we produced a letter to me from his own wife saying "The Senator knows and approves..." and I beat the bastard before we got to court
and could have stuck him harder cause he wasn't about to take an oath and repeat all those lies on the stand....I began to distrust people a little.
Inga Nimrod is a BEAUTIFUL woman...even with the ravages of cancer anyone can see what a beauty she was. She told me once that the best part of it was that
she'd never known it as a young woman. Men like women with low self-esteem. She also, like Helen, had learned to sculpt and we used to chat about it on the
phone. She'd made a portrait of Jesus and wanted me to cast it for her ...I told her I would make the molds and finish the piece for her...all they had to do was pay
the foundry. A couple of years later she asked for two more castings but said she wouldn't expect me to do those for no money also. I refused her money and sent a
letter asking John to please send a check to the foundry directly (since he was telling everyone at the time I was out for money, stealing from old ladies) and I would
make the castings for his wife, whose own cancer was in remission at the time...and he answered back not a word.
My litmus test on these forums when I began was to scratch the surface quickly by being abrasive ...seeing how people responded. I wasn't ONLY rude or
crude...in and around the bluster and words I dropped ideas to see who was eager to discuss ideas, to think of working, inspite of the fact that I came across like an
asshole in full drag.
All the "Mimrods and Hajjars and Dadeeshoos among us took fright and lost their senses. A few, a very few...and they know who they are....saw past the bullshit
and said..."Let's talk, anyone who says these other things can't be ALL asshole"!!
People who want to work...who are used to getting a job done, know you can't have angels, that people, soldiers, have flaws and imperfections...it isn't FRIENDS
and people who'll stroke us and make us "feel good", that we're after...it's people who'll overlook my idiocy as long as I serve a cause...who HAVE a cause they
think they could use me for...I WANT to be used.
People who leap at the chance to find the excuse they need to "expose" you, are a pretty sure bet to fail the test...for the rest, it's a "feeling". But the ones who fail
will signal it long before they take the test. That will be the test for YOU...can you pick up on the signal? And you will be wrong...both ways, some you'll trust and
they will fail you...others will come through when you thought they wouldn't. We aren't only chemicals...it's not so easy.