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=> Letter to the Chaldean News by Kevin Atto

Letter to the Chaldean News by Kevin Atto
Posted by Jeffrey (Guest) - Monday, October 20 2008, 18:31:33 (CEST)
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Letter to the Chaldean News
Kevin Atto

Hello, my name is Kevin Atto. I was raised in West Bloomfield, and I've been living in San Diego for over four years. I just recently read your articles about gay Chaldeans, and I have some comments. My original intention was to write a letter to the editor, but I just have too much to say, so I don't think there's any possible way that I can limit my comments to 500 words.

I agree with something that Vanessa Denha-Garmo wrote. I think that an article with anonymous people being interviewed takes away the validity of what is being said. "Tony" and "Amanda" are two Chaldeans interviewed and quoted in a recent article, but I truly believe that this article would have been much more meaningful if their real names would have been included. It is the only way that Chaldeans will be able to relate to and truly understand how close to home this issue really is. I am gay and a Chaldean, both by birth. One of the people interviewed in the gay Chaldean article said that he does not consider himself to be Catholic. I go a little bit further and say that I debate whether or not I am actually still a Chaldean because Chaldeans are Catholics by definition, and I have strong disagreements with some of the teachings of the Catholic church. Catholics are taught to be loving people, but some show discrimination and hatred when it comes to the issue of homosexuality. And if you look around the Catholic church, there are numerous hypocrisies that take place. There are so many Chaldeans, and Catholics in general, who cheat on their spouses, steal, and commit other crimes that are not accepted by the Catholic church, yet people choose to look at people in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and trans-gender (LGBT) community as sinners.

The thing that drives me crazy is to hear people say that LGBT people choose this "lifestyle." This is an incorrect statement upon which most people base their other beliefs about the LGBT community. If a persons bases arguments on a false statement, then those arguments are also considered to be false. It is basic logic. LGBT people are born this way, and there is scientific evidence to prove it. Iklas Bashi in her article says, "There are some who admit their orientation to be a preference and therefore a choice." That is bogus. I know many LGBT people personally, hundreds in fact, and I have never once heard a single person say that his or her sexual orientation is a choice. NEVER ONCE. In fact, it is a common joke among people in the LGBT community to laugh about people calling homosexuality a choice since it clearly is not. That's right, LGBT people laugh when we hear someone say that sexual orientation is a choice. Iklas goes further to make a false claim saying that people who believe they are born gay live their lives "responsibility free regarding [their] behaviors." There are some things that are in our genes when we are born (like sexual orientation), but decision-making processes are not predetermined and any person's life, gay or straight. Every person has a God-given intellect to make decisions. She then contradicts her own arguments when she talks about people having unwanted homosexual tendencies. Obviously if these tendencies are unwanted, then they are not a choice. I think that if the Chaldean News wants to be considered a reputable source, it should not publish articles based on personal opinions, but on proven scientific data. It sounds like Iklas is just speaking her mind based on a few people with whom she has had conversations. She is also making "if...then" statements that make absolutely no sense whatsoever. Like I said, when the "if" is false, the "then" is surely false as well. Do you think that a 16-year-old Chaldean boy or girl would choose this "lifestyle?" And while I'm on the topic, homosexuality is not a lifestyle, it is a sexual orientation. Why do people care what I do in my bedroom with the person I love? I don't ask straight couples what they do behind closed doors, and frankly, it disgusts me to even think about it. My lifestyle is that I am an honest, caring, and hard-working person who wants to have a family and live a successful life. Sexual orientation is such a small part of my life, yet it is blown out of proportion by closed-minded, uninformed people who are afraid of anything that differs from their stereotypical norms.

After I graduated from college, I lived at home with my parents for two years while I worked. I truly thought I could hide my sexual orientation, but with every day that passed, it became harder and harder to hide the truth. I wanted my parents to know me as their son and as an honest person, yet I was trying to live a lie. It got so stressful trying to hide this huge secret as days passed that it became a painful agony. I cannot find the words to describe the pain. I finally just blurted it out one afternoon in the kitchen. I told my parents, "I'm gay." I couldn't keep it inside any more. That was one of the greatest feelings that I ever had. It was like the weight of the world was lifted off of my shoulders. The feeling is one that I cannot describe to anyone who hasn't had the experience. My parents were quite upset. My dad wanted to know what he and my mom had done wrong in raising me. I told him that they did everything right. I tried to explain that I was born this way. I told my parents that they should be proud that they raised me to be an honest, hard-working person who is true to himself and true to his family and friends. My mom wanted me to seek therapy, and she still to this day has difficulty with the whole situation. I moved to California in 2004 to try living life in a different, beautiful place where I still had family nearby, but my mom is still to this day falsely convinced that the only reason I moved here is because of my sexual orientation. I've had aunts and uncles talk to me about the situation telling me that they love me, but that they don't believe that I'm gay. This is absurd! I am 28 years old. Do you think that I don't know who attracts me and who doesn't? Please. I keep trying to tell people that I am the same son, brother, nephew, grandson, cousin, Godfather, and friend that I always have been, and it is true. My sexual orientation does not change anything! I still want to get married, I still want to have a family, and I still want to be successful. It is the American dream. It is the reason that my family came here from Iraq. I am just like everyone else. It's sad what stereotypes people have about gay people.

One of the few things Iklas mentioned with which I somewhat agree is that the attractions that LGBT Chaldeans have are unwanted. Yes, I admit that when I first realized that I was gay, I was in denial. These feelings were unwanted. I wanted to get married to a woman, have kids, and make my family proud. I even did research on hypnosis to see how I could change my feelings. But then I realized that the only reason I wanted these things was to make the people around me happy. Over time, I made a very conscious decision to embrace who I am. I made a conscious decision to be proud of myself and face the life challenges associated with my sexual orientation. God made me, and who am I to change God's plan? Homosexuality is not a choice. The only choice associated with it is how to deal with the issue. It is a challenge in many situations, so the way that I choose to deal with this challenge is to raise awareness, especially in the Chaldean community. I want more than just tolerance of LGBT Chaldeans, I want acceptance. One of my uncles tells me that I am more controversial than Eminem. Maybe I am, but someone has to do it. I am trying to make life easier for future generations who will be in my same situation. I don't want LGBT people in the future to have to deal with the uncomfortable situations that I have to face right now.

I have been "out of the closet" since January 2003. In the past six years, I have learned to embrace who I am. I don't care what people say. There are people, both Chaldeans and other Americans, who live sinful lives and then point a hateful finger at LGBT people. I think "Tony" said it best when he talked about how Chaldeans have a tough time dealing with anyone who is different. The reason that I am so open about myself is that I want other LGBT members of our community to know that it is OK to be who you are. I am speaking to each and every one of you individually. Be true to yourself! Don't be ashamed of the way that God made you. You have not done anything wrong, and you are not a bad person based on your sexual orientation. I want all LGBT people to know that they can come to me as a resource. I have numerous first cousins who are gay and have come to me in confidence. One of my cousins has been in a relationship with his partner for seven years, and his partner is a wonderful person. It is so sad that my cousin cannot tell his parents and the rest of his family about this fabulous person in his life. It is sad that he cannot share the love of his life with those around him because he is too afraid about the repercussions. I am shocked at how many "closeted" Chaldeans, both in my family and in the community, have come to me to share their stories, their experiences, and their challenges. We need to be open and proud of who we are so that we can raise awareness and acceptance! We must band together and be unified! We must continue to live good lives so that we can show everyone around us that we are equals and deserve to be treated as such!

On November 4 in California, there is a vote on Proposition 8. Currently in California, same-sex marriage is legal. Proposition 8 is an effort to make same-sex marriage illegal. I recently sent an email to everyone email address on my contact list, and I talked about Prop 8 and why it is important to vote "No." This proposition is discriminatory. Everyone should have the right to marry the person that he/she loves. After I sent out this email, two of my cousins replied to me saying that the email was inappropriate and that they didn't want their kids to see it. It is sad that in the year 2008, people are still trying to hide the fact that LGBT people even exist. "Amanda" said it best when she compared today's LGBT movement for equality to the Civil Rights issues we have faced in our country going all the way back to the days of Abraham Lincoln's move to abolish slavery, which at the time was thought to be eccentric by many. Even to this day, there are hateful, closed-minded people who do not treat African Americans as their equals. Awareness and acceptance of LGBT issues is something that is going to take time for people to grasp, understand, and accept. It took me 23 years to come to terms with it personally, and I do not by any means expect people to change their lifelong viewpoints overnight. One of my aunts here in California was very proud to recently tell me that she is voting "Yes" on 8. It must be easy fitting into the stereotypical "norm," but for those of us who do not fit that "norm," it is so sad to hear people telling us that they believe that we are second-class citizens who do not deserve the same rights that they have. I am urging people who know Californians to tell them to please vote "No" on Prop 8. And there is no doubt in my mind that this issue will be voted upon in other states very soon. I hope that everyone makes a choice that is fair to all when the opportunity is given. Every person deserves equality. That is the premise on which America was built, and that is why people from all over the world immigrate here to try to live the American dream.

I am here to say that I am proud of who I am, and I would be happy to openly use my name and talk to the Chaldean community to raise awareness and acceptance of LGBT people. The only way that LGBT people are going to be able to lead their lives comfortably is if people are exposed to these issues and educated with the truth. We as LGBT people must band together, face the truth, and tell people who we are. We must face our fears and be open with the people that we love. This is the only way that future generations of LGBT people will be able to live the lives that we right now dream of living.

-- Kevin Atto



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